Saturday, December 28, 2013

Venting... Helping or Hurting?

Not that I'm doing that right now.

I really won't.

I'm just going to pretend to be philosophical tonight. Because I've had a thought. And it's a blog, so I can be self-indulgent if I want.

I have realized just recently that I no longer believe venting is my friend. What good does talking out frustrations with your friends/co-workers/family do for your relationships?

Say my fiancé and I are having a fight, and I go out one evening and gossip with some of my girlfriends (or God forbid: parents). What good does giving a voice to these negative experiences do for anyone? It angers you, it gives your friends and family fodder for hating your significant other, and it lessens your relationship by inviting others in.

I realized it today when I was talking with a co-worker about her relationship. She wanted advice about the man she's dating... and because she's told me details here and there about things that have happened in the past, I'm reminding her of the negative things, and giving her advice that I have no business giving. (My opinion, obviously; she said nothing of the sort.)

And it got me thinking: how many times have I talked with my mom about a fight I had with an ex-boyfriend and then later it was all dragged up again when I was talking to her? Umm, too many.

"Keep your business to yourself" is going to be my motto from now on. If I have nothing funny or kind to say, from this moment on... I will say nothing. I know this isn't a new concept by any means, it's just something I've caught onto recently.

I would love to say I'll be a perfect angel and this new thinking will extend to my blog, but I did just write an entry about how naughty my kids were on Christmas... so maybe I won't.


  1. Yep, totally agree 100%. I've been married 17 years and I've learned that really no one needs to hear all the ins and outs of our daily life. The problem with sharing only your struggles is that you rarely get to share the daily "but he loaded the dishwasher, made dinner, showed me he loved me" etc. kind of stuff, so really if you are only sharing your struggles whomever you are sharing those with only are getting part of the picture. A pretty negative one. You are a smart girl to realize this and not drag your personal relationships in front of friends/family.

  2. I've been married 19 years and with my husband for 24 I don't talk about our problems with anyone but him. I learned what you just did -- that when you share the bad things that is what the people you talk to remember and it causes resentments that can interfere with a relationship.

    As for kids, I found blogging their antics helped me cope. I tried to look for the humor in it. Like when my kids broke a crystal bell that I got after being in a friend's wedding, I blogged about how my child broke it (climbing up higher than I thought she should) and if my friend's wedding suddenly failed, don't mention the broken bell. It helped me a lot.

    Good luck!

  3. I learned this lesson early on, as well. It was actually not with my husband, it was when I was upset with a family member and shared that with someone I thought was a friend. I then realized I had invited them in and made their opion something to consider. When usually I just wanted them to agree with me and it solved NOTHING! I am hoping I can always remember that with my husband and make sure to keep our problems between us.