Bump Pics

Not often am I in the mood to post bump pictures, but when I am... I post them on Instagram.

37 Weeks

I actually got almost all that I wanted to accomplish done over the long Labor Day weekend - it was a miracle! All I lack is getting the rest of the laundry washed (which is no big deal because at least all of the clothes are clean and folded - now it's just towels and linens that need washing), and my pedicure!

Sad sack alert: I can't really justify getting a pedicure. I have to be careful not to spend too much on frivolous junk, since we don't know when my last paycheck is going to be before maternity leave (which will be unpaid, as far as I know). I would love to get another two checks under my belt, but we shall see! I think if I can do that, then we've got enough in the bank to get through 6 weeks of maternity leave. Especially if Steve goes back to work after 2 weeks (one being him taking his paid vacation time, and then the other week paternity leave... and we're not sure if he'll be getting paid for that). So I've started using a pumice stone in the shower, and most nights I remember to put my foot lotion on, and my feet look okay. It'll have to do until we get our finances back in good working order, though.

I wish I had more to report this week: the doctor said the baby looks great, they did an ultrasound today, and she scored an 8/8 on the fetal biophysical screening. (Which is basically just a scan for fetal movement, fetal breathing movements, and amniotic fluid levels.)

I love how I rambled about my feet for a good 8 lines, then 3 for the baby. I digress.

Next week they're doing my first cervical check; never had a male gyno before, so this will be interesting.

36 Weeks

How hard could writing about 10 weeks BE? Well, I just went an entire month without writing an entry... so read into that what you will.

Here's what's been going on around here:

All the nesting. I cleaned our room/bathroom last weekend, folded and put away all of the laundry I had been storing in the living room (about 8 baskets' worth - don't judge me), and washed/sorted all of baby girls' clothes by size. I also went to a sale at Goodwill and got a ton of baby clothes for 75 cents per piece, all in great condition.

So far this weekend the kitchen has gotten a complete scrub down and I'm working on getting more laundry done. My ultimate plans for the long weekend are to: unpack the swing, get the travel system set up and ready to go just in case of early labor, pack my hospital bag, get a pedicure, finish up decorating the "nursery" (i.e. - her corner of our room), and FINALLY write out the rest of the thank-you cards for the baby shower.

Baby has been growing like a weed. As of last week the ultrasound was estimating she weighs about 5 lbs, 12 oz. Things are looking good for a successful VBAC delivery; at this point, doctor says I just have to go into labor and we'll see how things progress. I'll be having another ultrasound next Tuesday, so I'm hoping everything looks good, and she's still head down.

I guess that's all I've got today - hope you all are doing well.

32 Weeks

This week has been unremarkable, for the most part. Baby girl has been moving a TON, and that's always really fun to watch. I had a doctor's appointment, but they didn't do a sonogram. I reiterated to my doctor my wish to attempt a VBAC delivery, and basically was told it would come down to the day of and how the baby and my body reacted to labor. Last time I had a sonogram, she was in breech position, so she needs to migrate to head down and stay there. Otherwise, I think I'll be back on the operating table. But he said he's going to let me go into labor instead of scheduling a C-section, unless I go past 40 weeks. Fingers crossed!

I did have really high hopes for this weekend... I wanted to assemble baby girl's crib and get the house cleaned up. Alas, neither of these things happened. The first, because the crib did not arrive when it said it would (thanks for lying to me about the delivery date, FedEx), and the second because I was too bummed about the first. I did get all of my laundry done, so that was something. But not much else. Guess I know what I'll be doing tonight.

Here's a picture of her crib that I pulled off the website. Isn't it cute? I'm going for a grey and yellow theme, so this fit perfectly with what I had in mind. As soon as I have everything put together I'll post pictures of her little space. I'd love to say she has her own room, but she'll be bunking with us until we get a bigger place. Ideally, we'd love to be into a house by next summer.

Luckily, even though not getting the crib was a disappointment, there was plenty of shopping to be done and it was an overall productive weekend. We went and bought the boys some new shoes for school since it's Tax Free Weekend in Texas, and I had a 15% off coupon for Payless. Then I traded in the stuff that did not fit them anymore at Once Upon a Child, and donated what they didn't want to their school. So now their wardrobes are complete! They have a TON of pants because they got tall all of a sudden a month or two ago, so all they really needed were shirts and new kicks. Of course backpacks are taken care of, and I think I mentioned I ordered their supplies from the school.

Then I went and bought the breast pump I wanted... I only ended up paying $65 out of pocket for it, when it's a $220 double electric pump. I'm not even mad. Had a ton of gift cards from my baby shower and a 15% off registry completion coupon. YES!

(I know about most insurance companies now covering breast pumps, but the insurance I have (Texas Women's Medicaid) is notorious for not wanting to cover things like this without tons of paperwork and a "medical necessity." Apparently, going back to work does not fit that bill from what I've read online from other moms. I did my research and you have to qualify for WIC to even be considered, and since I got a new job and am making more money we don't meet the income requirements for that anymore. (I did call and tell the state I got a new job, and they're still letting me keep the Medicaid through 11/30/2015 anyway - so I'm a very fortunate lady!))

Anyway, I think I've rambled on enough about this week. Sorry so scatter-brained!

31 Weeks

This week has been a trip.

I'm finally getting back to feeling like myself - bronchitis is NO JOKE. I've never had it before, so I didn't know. (Not that I ever assumed it was a walk in the park, but hopefully you get my drift.)

Tomorrow is my baby shower - I can't believe it's already here! I might be having it a little too soon, but I have such a busy next couple of weeks with the boys going back to school, and I didn't want to do it when I was way too large to be able to do anything easily with all the new gear.

I registered at Target, and it's been exciting to see the different things people have picked up that I have on my registry. I know I shouldn't peak, but I can't help it!

Speaking of the boys, they go back to school on August 24th! They're going to be THIRD GRADERS! I can't register them yet, but I did get their school supplies ordered from the school. $40/kid for all the stuff they need seems reasonable when you're 2 hours into a trip to find all the crap on the school's list and want to pull your hair out!

Generally, I love to shop second-hand. A great example of why that is: we grocery shop at Wal-Mart and last weekend we saw some cute shirts there for $9.88... Steve wanted to get them, but when I rationalize that for half the price we can get name brand gently-used clothes at a resale shop, it's pretty much a no-brainer! I can get nice jeans for them for less than $8/pair, shirts for $3.50 or so. You can't beat it! Plus, I shop there so often I have a 20% off coupon for my next trip.

I also have a ton of clothes to take up to trade out for new things for the school year. We have a little bit of 4/5T stuff, but mostly 5-6. It's so hard to let go of some of these pieces, because it's stuff they really LOVE. I also went through their little underwears and got all the smalls out, because they're wearing large now. Then I weeded through lots of tiny socks and under shirts. Heartbreaking to get rid of some of this stuff!

I talked to my doctor last Thursday about tying my tubes. I had a very emotional moment after that in the car. Apparently, they don't actually TIE them anymore, my doctor cuts them out, so the chances of conceiving again afterward are 0% unless I get IVF. It made me really sad to think about that. I know thinking that way is absolutely ridiculous, since I don't WANT anymore kids, it just got a little too real for me.

Okay, I have yammered on way too much this week! I'll hopefully have some pictures next week from the shower!

30 Weeks

I would really love to update at least once per week until my due date. I have no idea how reasonable that is given how busy I usually am, but I'm going to try!

So tomorrow I'll be 30 weeks. How exciting is that? The "WOW, you're gonna pop any minute," and "Are you SURE you're not due until September?" comments had already started, but they're getting more frequent now. And I want to pummel each and every one of these people. One of these days I'm just going to say, "Pregnant?" and act confused/offended if someone asks when I'm due.

Anyway.

I had been fighting what I thought was just "a little chest congestion" since July 4th weekend, and I finally went to the clinic last Thursday. Turns out I had have bronchitis and an upper respiratory infection. I STILL sound horrible and wheezy (mostly at night) after 4 days of antibiotics. Not excited about that. But I was to the point where I could barely take a breath last week, and today I just have some residual phlegm, so I should count my blessings!

I talked to my OB/GYN about this when I went in on July 9th, and he advised me to just take some Mucinex DM for 3-5 days and that I'd be back to normal. All this is to say, he didn't even bother listening to my lungs with his stethoscope. So I went to get a second opinion!

This is also the man who took me on as a patient with my stipulation that he'd be open to the possibility of a VBAC birth, and when we spoke about it at my first appointment he let me know he had a vacation planned the week I was due and if he wasn't there by some chance none of the other doctors are even willing to try. C-Section City. Apparently, he has to be at the hospital the entire time I'm laboring, and that might not be possible.

SINCE WHEN ARE DOCTORS SO LAZY? I hate to say that, but it made it seem as though he just wasn't even going to let me attempt because it'd be inconvenient for his schedule. He also said he'd need to check to see if my pelvic bone was able to accommodate a vaginal birth... what does that even mean? Women have been giving birth since the beginning of time, but I'm different?

Sorry, whole other tangent there.

Anywho, I should probably get back to work. Hope everyone had a great weekend!

A Few Things

Just caught up with all of the blogs in my feed since last time I binge-read, and I have to say: wow! A ton is going on out there in blogland!

MandaPanda had revision surgery yesterday (go send her well wishes, if you haven't already), Catherine and Amy W. have been posting, Beth Ann just celebrated her birthday weekend not too long ago! I love seeing some of my favorite bloggers back at it!

Just a ton has been going on with me, too. Can't believe I haven't written anything since February, I always thought if I got pregnant with the band, I would blog my entire experience because hardly anyone has... but, nope, I'm a slacker!

Aww, hell, it IS Thursday... why not catch up in bullet points?

• First things first: still pregnant. I'm 28 weeks as of this past Tuesday, and we just found out on Monday that I'm having a baby girl.  At my 18 week and 22 week ultrasounds, they couldn't determine the sex because she had her legs crossed. So stubborn!
• I had to have a complete unfill around April, because I couldn't keep/get anything down (except junk food)!
• Thanks to that, I'm a chubster now. Okay, fine... thanks to poor food choices. Cannot wait to have this baby and get back some of my fill and get to the gym again! During my first trimester, I was too nauseated to workout (my morning sickness was all day, and I DID throw up past the band, multiple times - hence the unfill!), then my second trimester I wanted to sleep all day... now I'm in my third trimester and I am too busy running around trying to learn how to do my new job and get dinner on the table most nights to even consider going out and exercising after the kids eat. I know, poor excuse.
• I am no longer working in jewelry. I got fired from my job at Ben Bridge, and then I immediately found another job in the same industry, but no longer doing sales... just repairs. Hated the hours, so I'm NOW working at a construction management company. It's new and interesting, the hours are ideal, and I have weekends off!
• The boys' birthday party is this weekend, can't believe they'll be 8 years old! And we haven't even gotten an opportunity to go shopping for their gifts. We went to San Antonio to visit family for the 4th of July last weekend, and we can't very well do it while they're with us... so we're going to have to wait until tomorrow when my parents pick them up for the night!

Hope everyone is doing great, I've got to get home... and my laptop is on the fritz so work is the only chance I have to sneak on here! :)

Funny Thing

I was so gung-ho about exercising when I first joined the gym, I was going 4-5 times a week... but now I can't even get the strength up to go once in the past few weeks. I have morning sickness so bad I can barely get up in the morning.

Obviously, I'm pregnant. Only about 7 weeks, so not a huge deal, and I haven't "officially announced" in anywhere yet (I told my parents and my husband's parents, a few close friends, and my co-workers... because running to the bathroom every hour on the hour to dry heavy into the toilet is odd).

The thing is: I don't really care to tell anyone other than that. I don't want to make a big Facebook announcement.

What would it say?

"We have two kids already - but we're having another... because we're crazy!"

And that's how I feel about it. I alternate between being overjoyed and crying on the way to work in the car. I realize it's just all of my crazy emotions overflowing. But I'm scared to start over.

I know we were trying for this, and we already made the decision and now it's happening... but it's all real now. Scary.

Exercise?

I have so many questions about exercise, only because I've only REALLY been doing it for the past year or so... sporadically, until now. And I've never really been fit, so it's all very confusing. Maybe a few of the seasoned veterans out there can help me!

• Am I "supposed to" eat back the calories I burn?
• Because I'm trying not to, but it's hard.

• What's a good target heart rate for someone 27-years-old and about 15 lbs overweight?
• I have no idea.

• When is the best time to exercise (calorically)?
• Because I do it at night, and then I'm pretty ravenous all evening, but it's bearable... and I think if I do it in the morning I'll be ravenous ALL DAY instead of just a few hours. But then I heard you burn more calories all day doing it first thing.

• How intensely can I exercise while pregnant?
• Hell, I just need answers to lots of pregnancy-related things.

• Is fasted cardio really a thing people do?
• Because, if so, I kind of think they need their heads checked. I could never do my standard hour of cardio on an empty stomach. (Currently I do about 30-60 minutes of cardio and 15-20 minutes of lifting per workout. It's going okay for me.) But I might if it helps me lose these thighs.

• How come I don't sweat as much as the other girls?
• I sweat. But I'm not drenched. Like my hair doesn't look like I got caught in torrential downpour, and my back and butt are usually wet, but I want to look like I worked harder! My Polar HRM says I burn on average 600 calories every time I workout.

As you can tell... I do too much thinking while I should be focusing on my burn.

Anyone have any thoughts, answers, or even your own questions we can ponder together?

10 Year Reunion

So, apparently, that's coming up.

Is this motivational or what? I haven't seen 9/10 of these people (nor wanted to) in 10 years, but on the other hand: I've lost about 50 lbs since high school.

I weighed in between 210-220 lbs from about sophomore year of high school until I got pregnant in 2007, and then from 2008-2010 I ballooned up to 260-270 lbs. I was in beast mode. That and suffering some personal tragedies, which I won't put you through listening to right now, all combined to make a perfect storm for my weight gain.

I weighed in this morning at a "slim" 178... and I feel great. But for how long? I get the itch to lose weight, even if I'm where I thought I wanted to be. I did when I was 170, 160, even 150.

I realize I'm a disordered eater. I binge, I'm a habitual overeater, I eat when I'm bored, I'm a habitual dieter, and more that I can't even put my finger on at the moment. I do it all except NOT eat.

Where was I going with this?

Oh yeah. So the idea of going to this makes me nervous. Very nervous. But it kind of gives me a goal: I'd like to not only be pregnant by then, but also be looking great. I want to get my arms in better shape along with my legs.

Someone told me today the only time you can lose cellulite off of your legs is when you're a teenager and when you're pregnant.

I'M ALL OVER IT!

So I guess I'll go.

Gym Update

I ended up joining Fitness Connection. It's a pretty large gym in the area, it's only $9.95/month/person and both Stephen and I joined. They have great amenities (everything but a pool), and childcare is included!

We worked out together Wednesday night, and then I went back last night and worked out by myself. (In both instances, the boys came with and went to the kids' club. They have video games and a movie theater in there to keep them occupied.) I wanted to go again this morning, since I work late tonight, and won't be able to go after work... but I slept late. Whoops!

In other news, I added a new weight loss ticker to the blog... gives me a little more accountability. When I remember to blog, and if/when I remember to update it even when I do. But hey!

Joining A Gym & Credit Card Woes

Ugh, one of those things I have always really dreaded doing. I have only joined twice in my life (once with my mom, but really she just signed me up online when I was a teenager and I went with her a couple of times)... and then back in about 2011, when I joined LifeTime Fitness with a friend. We actually went pretty much 4 times per week for a month or so. It was awesome. SO WISH I could afford a membership there year-round. But it's about $80/month, and Mama doesn't have that type of dough laying around for herself. I mean, we could afford it... but it feels... wrong?

Anywho, so I've been scoping out gyms in the area online, and I've signed up for a few passes to get into some and check them out. Only problem is I haven't actually gone and done it - I need to! I think I will tonight after I take the boys to their dentist appoint (please, LAWD, no cavities!) and go grocery shopping.

I have a problem with the guilt associated with spending money on myself on a monthly basis to do this, especially if I don't actually go. It won't make or break us, but... I wanted to pay off most of the credit card debt first. (And I am failing at that.) I need to buy a Dave Ramsey financial planning book or something, because in THEORY I know what we need to do... it's just getting up the funds to actually put more than the minimum payment toward certain cards.

For instance, the Toys 'R Us card we have for birthday and holiday expenses? It only has about $420 charged up... we could probably pay that in full this month (Christmas bonus). But why not just... pay it off slowly so I can throw all of the cash toward the Capital One card that has 10x that charged up? But then it comes to paying that and all I can usually do is put $100 toward it, because it's due the 2nd of the month (just like the rent).

FUCK. It's so hard to be responsible. I think the best option might be to change the payment dates, because I have SO MUCH come up at the beginning of the month, and that's typically when my bills are due... that it just seems impossible to get ahead. I did just change my Capital One payment to the 14th, so that will help.

I'm going to lay it bare. And anyone who has no interest in hearing about my financial woes, I bid you adieu for today.

Here's the breakdown (and I'm going to check in monthly with this):

Capital One: $3,780.65
Chase Freedom: $1,445.00
Amazon: $851.60
Toys 'R Us: $411.86
Ashley Furniture: $100.00 (card going away next month!)

That's over $6,500 in debt. That's TOO MUCH.

My lame excuses are:

1.) We just got married and I used the Capital One card for honeymoon/last minute expenses.
2.) I bought I few Christmas gifts on credit.
3.) Steve uses them to pay for schooling since typically we can't front the money for multiple classes.

...but seriously?

It feels like a black hole I can't see a way out of. When we get our tax return (and it should be decent, considering for the first time EVER I'm going to claim both of my children as dependents) I'm going to pay off the smaller ones in full, and go from there. Maybe once I pay off the Capital One, I can negotiate a lower APR, because currently I'm at 22.9%. I got it as a rebuild your credit card, and it did help... but not as much as it's hurting now! I have a $6,500 credit line and I've got over 50% tied up at the moment. Shoot.

As you can see, I have a million good financial reasons why I don't want to join the gym, but I'm going to anyway. Don't worry, that'll be coming out of my bank account monthly. Found an okay gym that's only $9.95/month.

Anyway, that's enough for today. Hope that wasn't too much of a drag blog post! Felt good to get it out, though.

New Year, Same Me

I always say I'm not going to make any resolutions, and this year is not going to be any different.

Mostly because I don't really think losing weight is going to fundamentally change my life anymore... I already lost the majority of the weight I wanted to lose, and even though I'm about 25 lbs heavier than I'd LIKE to be, who really cares? Who is it hurting that I'm a size 10 instead of a 6 or an 8? No one. I just have to be sure I keep it under control and don't balloon back up to 273 lbs.

I just celebrated my four year bandiversary, and I couldn't be happier to still have my band. I was deep into the Christmas season working retail during that time, so I didn't get to make a post. But, really, there's nothing much to say about it.

Interestingly, I do have one "goal" for the current year: Stephen and I want to have a baby. Which is another reason I'm not entirely worried about my waistline right now! No news yet, but we've only been trying for two cycles (in the third right now).

Can't wait to hopefully share some good news in the upcoming months!

Eating Out Challenge - 30 Days

MandaPanda has issued a challenge to herself, no eating out for 30 days - and I'm joining her. (I hope a piece of birthday cake from yesterday doesn't count, because I didn't buy that, and I planned for it in my calories.)

We've been struggling a bit with paying all of our bills. Steve and I are trying to throw as much money as possible at credit cards to get them paid off as quickly as possible. (Come ooooon tax return!) And then we've really been bad lately about going out to eat too much. 2-3x/week is excessive. No wonder we're getting a little doughy!

So... today is Day 2. Making it happen.

Anyone care to commit? It's gonna be fun!

The Struggle

I see you out there. You're struggling. You've had your band a while, but it's stopped "working."

Has it? Or have you?

I found a list of "rules" for the weight loss surgery (specifically, the band)... there are ten.

Here they are:

1. Eat only when you are hungry, and no more than three times per day.
• Your stomach is only supposed to 1/2-3/4 cups of food. You now also have a stoma which is the area above your band that "feeds" the food through to your lower stomach. You should only have 1 bite of food in there at a time, allowing each one to pass through before you continue to the next bite.
2. Eat slowly and chew thoroughly.
• Take your time - eating is not a race! All "stuck" episodes are user error. There, I said it. If your band is too tight and that's the "reason" you're PBing constantly, that's your fault, too. You can ALWAYS go in for an adjustment somewhere. I don't care how much it costs, because you invested in this surgery; you allowed yourself to be put under anesthesia and sliced open for this, and YOU have to keep your body healthy. There is always a way. Yes, I PB once a month or so... and it's always MY fault for eating something and not chewing thoroughly.
3. Stop eating as soon as you feel full.
• I say stop BEFORE you feel full. You don't NEED to be feelin' full, because that leads to uncomfortable bloating with me, and I assume I'm not alone. By the time my mind catches up and I'm "full," it's already too late. Eat until you're no longer need to eat to function, for me that's 4-6 oz of firm protein like fish, chicken, or beef, and usually some vegetables.
4. Do not drink while you are eating.
• You know what? I'm guilty of this too when there's alcohol involved, but other than that? I do not. Do you know why? It allows me to eat more! It flushes food right past my stoma, through my band, and into my lower stomach. This doesn't give me satiety signals the way I'm used to feeling them after almost 4 years, and leads to overeating and discomfort!
5. Do not eat between meals.
• I cannot speak to this rule. I snack. Usually less than 200 calories per, but it happens.
6. Eat only good quality, nutritious food.
• Sliders? Ain't nobody got time for that. Sure, I'll indulge every once in a while and have 4 ginger snaps (which are only THREE Weight Watchers points for the brand I buy), but other than that? Firm protein, an occasional protein bar, more protein... I don't eat crap. I don't eat things out of a box, and I don't eat frozen dinners. Fuck that. I want things that will fuel my metabolism and my body, not slow it down.
7. Avoid fibrous food.
• I keep my fill level at a point where I can eat some fibrous foods... that doesn't mean that occasionally a piece of broccoli doesn't get stuck (again, because I don't chew each bite 1,678,945 times)! However, things like potatoes mostly do NOT work with my band (Fries? FORGET IT!), even after being chewed 30 times, this stuff is still too thick and it doesn't want to move through. I rarely eat it. Pick your battles, know your band and your body!
8. Drink enough fluids during the day.
• Drink water! I drink anywhere between 8-12 cups per day, and that's pre-workout. I can drink 5-6 cups while exercising. I can't get enough! Don't slip back into drinking sodas or having Starbucks every damn day. Fuel your body with things it's made up of: WATER!
9. Drink only low-calorie liquids.
• This comes back to #8. Drink water!
10. Exercise at least 30 minutes per day.
• That's 210 minutes per week. There are 10,000+ minutes every 7 days, 210 is only 2% of your allotment of minutes! Make YOURSELF a priority. Take the kids to the gym play room, leave them with a friend, take the dog for a walk... walk in place in your living room, if you have to. Just do SOMETHING.

Are you doing 10/10 of these? Because I'm doing 9/10, and I'm rocking it. I was 273 lbs almost 4 years ago, and today I weighed in at 158.1. I'm going to be 145 lbs, and I'm going to be successful in maintaining it. Believe that. Because I give myself my own accountability, I don't rely on outside forces to keep myself motivated.

I was talking to Lori today, and she told me she had been scared she was giving up. But she's back on the horse. (LITERALLY!)

I told her she wasn't allowed to be a statistic. I've heard too many damn advertisements on TV and the radio lately, "Did you get the lapband, but not have the results you were promised? Come see Dr. [Whoever], an experienced bariatric doctor who performs revision surgery!"

I'm not going to be a statistic, because I work every damn day. And she won't be either!

What are you going to do to make sure you're successful? That you stick with it? That you win this fight with obesity?

Still Running

I'm still chugging along with the Couch-to-5K. Just completed Week 3, Day 1.

Also, did an additional 34 minutes in the gym at my apartment complex. Stationary bike, elliptical... pure cardio. I was DRIPPING sweat at the end of that 60 minutes.

That's something new I'm doing: working out at the gym. I was running outside, and it was nice. However, I wasn't getting the burn I wanted or needed, because I didn't know my real pace. I was using RunKeeper so I knew I was hitting about 15:00 minute/mile pace, but I wanted a STEADY pace that I could control more easily. And 15:00 minute mile? Not impressive. I want more for myself.

Hence the dreadmill. We've made peace, though, I think. I've done my C25K on it twice now, and it was nice to me today. I can't wait for Week 4, Day 1. I hear that's when most people fall off the wagon. It isn't going to happen to me!

I'm making fitness a lifestyle now, it's finally clicking after I'm 3.5 years into my weight loss journey.

Oh, and I saw a nice weight this morning: 163.8. That's 16.2 pounds down since I started Weight Watchers in February. Pretty nice for me, considering I really JUST started taking it seriously about 2 months ago.

Be well, my friends!

Body Shots

My new goal weight of 145 pounds. I stated it here earlier, and I told my accountability group about it last week... and it was met with some hesitation.

I was told 145 might be too thin. And was asked WHY I want to be that particular weight?

And I wonder what people think I really look like underneath my clothes? (Or why anyone cares what my ultimate goal weight is anyway?)

Does someone mistakenly think I'm some thin goddess under there, even though they can see bulges with my clothes on?

So I'm here to share what I really look like, because I told Lorie I would. I'm sure I haven't done this recently (at least, not since I started THIS blog)... so here goes nothing.

It's not horrible, but there's work to be done.

And I'm ready to do it!

Wanna Be A Runner

I've been talking about fitness for a few weeks, or months, or years (if you count how long I've been saying I want to be active). But one thing I haven't been talking about is the fact that I've always wanted to be a runner. I don't think I ever mentioned it. In fact, I probably have always said, "I hate running. I'll never be a runner."

Defeatist Attitude? Ain't nobody got time for that. I'm all about the Positive Mental Attitude these days.

Long story short: yesterday I started Couch-to-5K!

I did Week 1, Day 1 at noon. In Texas. It was only 90 degrees. I barely broke a sweat. (Lie.)

I'm breaking down barriers, ladies. I'm done with the "I-wanna's" and I'm focusing on the "I'm-gonna's."

I'm gonna be a runner (or at least I'm gonna finish C25K and go from there).
I'm gonna continue with T25 and be an athlete.
I'm gonna get to 145 lbs.

That's my new goal weight, if I forgot to mention it in my last blog post. I'm done with the excuses.

I'm gonna go meal prep for the week now. Just went shopping this morning and I'm feeling like it's a great time.

BandedWendy and Fitness

I've been absent again, only for two weeks or so, I think. But it's been good away. I've been focusing on eating well and exercising.

Most specifically: when I'm not working out (or simply: working!), I'm watching YouTube videos. I love BandedWendy - I've become obsessed! I started her journey over with her from the very beginning, and she JUST reached maintenance. That's probably 100 videos I've watched.

From now on when I go to bed at night and grab my laptop (horrible habit, but I don't care!), Steve says, "Good night, babe. Have fun watching BandedWendy."

She's just REAL. She knows what she's about, she knows what the lapband is about. She knows the rules, and she's not scared to say, "Hey, if you're not following the rules - that's why you're not losing weight." And I SO believe that.

You have to seriously be ready to change your life.

Today and yesterday, in fact, I bitched out on my fitness. Yesterday was supposed to be a two-a-day, but I completely laid down and enjoyed my bed last night. Then tonight I started one of my T25 videos (Total Body Circuit, to be exact; if you're familiar with the program I'm doing the Gamma Hybrid cycle, which incorporates videos from the Alpha and/or Beta cycles once or twice a week), and I got about 2/3 of the way through it then sat down and turned it off. I made that choice. I'm owning it.

I hadn't had enough to eat today, and I don't feel strong. So I will do it tomorrow. I worked 45 hours this week, which is only an extra hour per day... but when you have been closing as often as I have (three days in a row and then a turn-around today), it gets pretty grueling.

I don't go in tomorrow until 11:00 am, so I have time to do finish the first and start up and finish the second video before I leave for work. And I already have my lunch made.

I'm a planner, what can I say?

Fitness IS a part of my lifestyle.

Several Things Sunday

It's not a thing... just something I have time for!

1. A barium swallow showed everything is fine with my band. My restriction is perfect. I didn't end up getting an unfill, just figured out while talking with the Nurse Practitioner that I need to stop eating so fast and get back to basics! She gave me a handout with information for newly-banded or people considering banding, and I actually read it - it was a nice refresher!
2. She also said I need to start tracking my BMs (sorry for the image), because sometimes I think I go a while without even realizing I haven't (3-4 days sometimes). She said put a hashtag on the calendar every time I do. Hilarious. (I actually did today, and yesterday! I've been incorporating a little bit of coconut oil into my diet almost daily. It really helps!)
3. Speaking of helping, for the past two days I've been drinking a protein shake as my breakfast, and coupled with a piece of fruit around 10:00 am, it's actually keeping me full until lunch time... wow. I didn't think that was possible anymore! I might keep this up.
4. I finally ended up getting into my primary care physician's office and got my prescription for my anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medicine refilled. I hope it helps. I've taken three doses so far. She wants me to come back in 3 weeks to see her and possibly tweak the dose - hopefully, 10 mg is enough, but we'll see.
5. Is it better to take these in the morning or at night? I couldn't sleep at ALL last night, and I think it might be because I took my pill at about 5:00 pm. For today's dose I moved it to 9:00 am and we'll see what happens.
6. Aaaand I just read online that many people take it right before going to bed because it makes them sick to take it during the day. Guess I'm gonna wait until tomorrow EVENING to take another pill.
7. I woke up this morning with a swollen eye-lid. I really hope I don't have pink eye or something disgusting. If it's still swollen tomorrow, I might go to CareNow or someplace. Too random.

I guess I'm out of things to say! Hope everyone has a wonderful rest of their weekend. <3